Sissy And The Masc - Himeros LIVE

I love listening to your conversations. When you were discussing childhood influences two incredible forces came to my mind. The first is the awareness that I had that whatever I was, 100% gay, came into my conciousness when I was about five years old. I had wonderful parents but I really feel that I was a disappointment to them. My dad was a sports fanatic and I sensed that him having a son who couldn't throw a ball was a WTF moment in his life, especially when I was compared to my brother who could do all things well. My sisters were all athletic as well. I experienced a lot of fear, internalized of course, which came to an earth shattering climax when I was 8 years old (I am 66 years old) and as a little kid in Canada we had to go through the terror of the Cuban Missle crisis. Being gay and afraid that the world was coming to an end and not knowing how to negotiate such trauma was life changing for me. I am always afraid that I will come across as a nut job when I mention these things. I have dealt with the political war possibilities in therapy but the path of sexuality not so much. I became very religious and that has been a foundation up to this day. Big reveal, I am a Catholic priest who has a love-hate relationship with the church. I preach about equality until I am afraid that if I say too much I will be outed. I also realize that at this stage of my life I have no money (I am in a religious order) I cannot leave. I don't want to live in a homeless shelter. I have experienced ageism in the gay community and I often go through what I feel are the feminized feelings of love and attachment (usually with fantasy porn stars who mostly don't know or if they do, don't care that I exist) and when these feelings grow too strong I need to do some major psychological self-care to crawl out of the chasm of loneliness and self-loathing. Once again thank you for the work you do. I would so love to do your Himeros Experience but having no resources for such a thing I content myself with listening to you beautiful guys speak to my heart. I would love to speak with you guys somehow but I live in Chicago which I feel is in the middle of no where.

I just joined Himeros.TV and I am enjoying everything about Himeros. Listening to you all speak on your lives and experiences has brought to the surface some of my own past experiences. The abuse and hate you speak of is part of an inner hate these abusers have for themselves. They see a part of themselves in your freedom and get angry because they are suppressing all the things that have taught them is wrong. Your love for yourselves is beautiful and threatening to other insecure people...