Selfcest

I can identify with Adam's issue. Back when growing up I had to be so sneaky and fast when masturbating not wanting to ever get caught. And for me it was worse because my masturbation fantasies were about guys. I still remember after cumming the immediate guilt that came over me. What a shame that was. And in my youth there was no internet for bating fuel. Only magazines like playgirl which I was afraid and embarrassed to buy so I would take looks in the store and bate to the images later. It was rough growing up gay in the late sixties and on. You would get bate fuel anyway you could, even from the encyclopedia and underwear section of the Sears catalog. In some of the pictures you could see the outline of the guys cock. A special treat was seeing the ridge on the head through the underwear. I guess the hardest part of it all was the guilt and shame that came on me after the orgasm. There were years of that shame until I got older and it subsided. I never understood it. Maybe you could discuss why such a normal and natural act created such feelings. I guess during that era the cock was tabu and just to be ignored until you were much older and only then under the right circumstances?

Here is another issue of shame and fear. I remember the very first time I ejaculated and the way it scared me to death. I was around thirteen and I remember hearing guys at school talking about masturbating even though I never was in the group talking about it and didn't really know exactly what they were talking about. One weekend an older kid was visiting us. He slept in my room. We had twin beds. One night he asked me if I ever gave my dick the sensitive feeling. I said no, what do you mean. He explained to just rub it until it started getting sensitive, then stop. After they left I would do that in the shower until it felt good, then I would stop. One evening after my shower I went in my room with the door shut and sat on the edge of my bed rubbing my dick. It would get super hard and the sensations built up. Mind you now I had never ejaculated before. This time it felt so good I went longer than usual. All of a sudden I could feel a super warm feeling in my dick and it got even harder then started spurting a ton of cum all over the carpet. It felt so good but then this immediate feeling of fear and terror came over me. Never experiencing that before I thought I had broken something. I was so upset and told god I would never do that again if he would just let everything be ok. I was actually frightened for days and I was to afraid to ask my father about it. What a shame that was. I don't know why that had to be such a traumatic event. I hope things have changed since those days.

Xavier's story is one shared by hosts of guys who came of age decades ago, and quite likely shared by an astonishing number even today. The forces of repression are hard at work trying to move us back into an era when sex education, bodily experiences, indeed body ownership were all matters to keep secretive about lest the power and control of others be challenged and their resulting wrath unleashed. Sadly, the use of religion (and not only monotheistic religion, by the way) has been, and still is, used to inspire guilt over the most human and natural impulses. In many ways, those damaged in the process are in the present acting out the neuroses produced by it all. Thanks to Himeros for opening so many avenues foe reflection and refiguring our checkered pasts. I found this to be a very moving echo of my adolescent dream of finding just someone, some boy, who could be my companion. I remember fantasizing that I was crawling into bed with myself. Years later, when I would go home, it would all come down in cascading memories, and I would flood the bed with cum, like a horny adolescent again.

Both thought provoking and beautiful.

All three comments (at this time only three) were spot on. I have to admit that at the end, after both ejaculated and embraced, I was exhausted, as if I had been one of the guys … probably Nico. A very good teaching video. Thank you, Davey, again for hitting a grand slam! 😊

Powerful concept. Whose was it? It’s usually stated. Thanks.

Well Done! Thank You. There is a lot of magic in this particular video. Both models are excellent and the energy they share comes right through the lens.

What an uninhibited, soulful, and honest opening! Thank you for putting such careful thought into how we could/should greet ourselves in such a unique reunion. So much is being said with so little of it spoken. Your efforts here are just as moving as they are erotic. So very well done in so many ways. Many thanks.

I resonate with the Comments thus far about the very personal history this video dredges up. Coming of age in the late 60's and early 70's homosexuality had a lot of stigma attached to it and church dogma added to that. I hated myself for having homosexual thoughts. Today I love myself. My process of acceptance and self love included setting up a place where I brought out school photos of my younger selves. I spent time with each photo and told him (my younger self at the different stages) that I loved him and accepted him unconditionally. The beginning of this video when the older was affirming the younger self brought tears to my eyes. Much the same tears that I experienced in the acceptance and self love process I undertook. A very special deep, heart felt thank you, Davey, Finn, Adam and Rico for creating this video! I feel so much love and so much less shame you guys! Thank You, Thank you, Thank you...!

I enjoyed this video including the delicious visit from a beautiful naked man in the middle of the night and everything else they did to going off together at the end. I was there with them both the whole time!